4/1/2006 - City to Annex South Hackensack

City of Hackensack to Annex South Hackensack

City officials announced plans to “annex” South Hackensack during a press conference late Friday afternoon. The news surprised reporters in attendance who questioned how this could have come about so suddenly.

“We need the element of surprise”, responded City Manager, Stephen Lo Iacono. “South Hackensack doesn’t know we’re coming”. He further responded that by the time the news is actually printed, City Police and DPW forces would already be mobilized along Hackensack’s southern border, catching S. Hackensack completely by surprise. Hackensack officials said they only expect “token resistance.”

When asked whether such a move was legal, City Attorney, Joe Zisa said, “While there is no law on the books that says we can do this, there is nothing we can find that prohibits the annexation.”

When pressed for reasons for the annexation, Hackensack’s Mayor Townes replied, “We’re feeling a little cramped around here these days. A little more room would do us good. We thought about Teaneck and Lodi but South Hackensack seemed like the most practical solution.” The Mayor cited a Hackensack traffic study that explained it would be much easier to simply cross out “South” in the “South Hackensack” street signs used throughout the town.

South Hackensack officials were unavailable for comment Saturday morning.

(April Fools)